----Ecclesiastes 3:1
.:.absolutely flabbergasted.:.
November 4, 2006everyone who found out i just got married was terribly shocked. yes i was going for that reaction, thus the very private affair. i got calls from friends who almost wanted to go out of my mobile phone to pull my hair out for not telling them about it. call from half way around the world rousing me from precious slumber (harbie, its okay. it was nice talking to you again) and tons of emails from lots of friends.
more than those reactions, another thing that made me think twice about telling the about the affair is that we wanted it to be a really intimate gathering. we are planning on getting married again, this time with all the works. but that would have to wait so we can save up enough for it. perhaps 2 or 3 years from now. by that time all those people mentioned on the top paragraph will be invited and of course some blogger friends. =)
on a different note, hubby and i had some issues yesterday. those were the times when we are not seeing eye to eye. i have to admit i don't always fight fair when it comes to arguments. we both ended up exasperated. in line with that incident. i am reminded of a poem, written by one of my fave bloggers - tomatomaria. if there is a poem i wished i could have written, this is it.
For you, on a rainy day
that i will not change 'til you say thus,
that my temperament will remain as sweet and amiable as the
soft pattering of raindrops on your shoulders as we kiss;
that my love will persevere
despite changing seasons, holocausts, wars.
because you are my lover, you may believe
that you will be enough to save me,
you remember the way you have salvaged me from so many fears,
you will believe that your hands will always be capable of
protection,
your mouth, of sound advice.
because you are my lover, you may believe
that i will want for nothing;
that this love that we forsake others for
will be our redemption-
the fine balloon of salvation that will succeed in finally lifting us out
of the direness of memories that used to hold us captive and unquenched.
because you are my lover, you may believe
that this love is enough to erase remnants of unsolved history.
you say it is fairy dust sprinkled all over me
or a cloak that you help me put over my confused head.
i would like you to remember that i am only human.
that because of its quality of impermanence, love will tire of weaving
forevers out of drunken silk.
i guarantee only some things:
that i will indeed change, for i will get caught in the frenzy of moments that may
be both taxing and unsensual, all of which may have the power
to eradicate sweetness.
that i will be, at times, dissatisfied with silence and will summon loneliness at will,
like an old friend that i like to visit.
there will be hours that i will not require your company,
seconds when i will be content with solitary pursuits and might forget
to ask you to come along.
there will be wars that i will have to come out from scathed and defeated.
i will sometimes heed the wailing of my own wants and will not ask
you what you think about them.
and like any human being, i will want for something more than who i have become.
i would thirst for other things than what we now have.
and yes, i was only made from dust,
my strength will sometimes waver, for i have my own recollections, my own versions of past events that chain me.
but inspite of all this, i give you only
a love that is as real as your left hand,
undiluted and without deception.
it is not a by-product of romance in movies or passionate deaths in novels,
i know i am walking through fire with eyes
that are open and never waver.
it has never been the kind of love that sprung from infinite longing,
but it is as constant as the wind that dried your tears
when your sole comfort was loneliness.
this is all i can give you
for this is all i have.
there, of course, is a fervent wish
that things will be different, that we will be undefeated by
cliches and wanderlust;
that we will be happy and content with only this to adorn our existence.
but if time proves us unworthy of this ideal,
i will claim myself happy
because i have stood beside you,
because i have given you
my version of twilight.
