all about someone’s t.o.w.g.a.

The date read Nov 21, 2004. She tried to blink back her tears. She did not discover the document by accident; she did what was necessary to find it. She knew all the while that if she will check on it, she is most likely to find out something that will definitely pierce her heart. But she went ahead anyway.

What made her want to cry is the fact that he’s never been that proud of her as he was with the one who got away. During low points of their relationship, somehow she couldn’t help but think if he’d be any different if he ended up with the one who got away. There are times when she could not help but think that he was that way to her because he feels she doesn’t deserve it from him. He never tried to take her breath away, not once. He didn’t bother to romanticize his proposal, let alone get her an engagement ring. He didn’t give her a chance to walk down the aisle on what’s suppose to be the biggest day of her life, when everyone will turn their heads to admire what a beautiful bride she is. Somehow, she couldn’t help but feel that he purposely did not do those things because she simply doesn’t deserve it from him, someone else does. He doesn’t speak so fondly about her towards his friends, neither does he want to show her off (well she is not as pretty as the one who got away) or introduce her to his friends whenever they’d randomly bump into one of them somewhere. May be, just may be, that’s the reason why he never bothered to save up for even an intimate, ideal wedding – she is not worth buying a diamond ring and dressing up a bridal gown. Just because to him, she will never amount to the one who got away.

May be he married her because he knows she will always be there. May be he married her because she loves him more than he cares about her. May be he just doesn’t want to end up all alone and she was the only decent choice. Somehow, every time she feels this low, she just tries to comfort herself with the thought that may be he did marry her because he was afraid that if he let her go, one day, he will find her truly happy in the arms of someone who truly loves her and by then he will want her back. Not because he loves her more than he loves the one who got away, but simply because she used to be all his, once.