----Ecclesiastes 3:1
forlorn
June 29, 2007i wrote this a couple of days before i turned 26. I was kinda hoping that that "feeling" will no longer haunt me after I turn 26 and after the day I turn 26. But boy was I wrong.
Left in the company of the four corners of our bed chamber for a week and for another next week, the internet is my only entertainment. But then again, sometimes too much curiousity causes one to stumble upon things best unknown.
Trying to forget what I saw a couple of hours ago, I decided to browse thru friend's blogs wishing there'd be snippets to clue me in what's going on with their lives as of late. I got to Honey's page and I saw what she wrote for me sometime last year. For online friends who knew my old urls, you might have had the chance to read Ever after in one of my entries. I'm posting my entry here to refresh your memory and for my new friends to read thru the beauty of the said article.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
.:.MiRRoR of mY heArt.:.
We were merely people who work for the same company; she was a familiar face, mostly to be seen outside during fifteen minute breaks, indulging her cancer cells, while I, a reformed nicotine-dependent (ehem ehem six months na po! Bow), would simply go out to savor the company of friends who are still into the habit.
A new project launched by their department paved the way for a formal introduction. During the one-hour discussion, my shoulders shook violently with mirth as we shared funny stories here and there, of course in relation to the project at hand. We soon found out we had a lot of common friends, including a former agent of mine who is now very much busy with her new business, where she - my new friend, is a partner. I did consider their service, I still am. Then all of a sudden, while we were talking on the phone, she asked me a question I’ve been asking myself for sometime now. And I know she could sense how I’m feeling. She confirmed my thoughts without me having to utter a word. I know that she means well and that it would be right to listen to what she has to say. After all, her years have made her wise.
I then went to their pod to say goodbye for the day, when she showed a blog entry she wrote for me.
Ever After
No colored texts, no outlined stresses or phrases written out in bold.
Love is beauty in its utmost simplicity. So gentle in fact, that it comes with the softest of whispers. Yet so strong, that nothing can mar it. Not brute strength, not even sheer will. It is a fiery passion masked in feathery wisps of sighs. It is the caress of a breath against your neck, butterfly kisses against your cheek… sending shivers up your spine.
Laughter… and tears… but tears of pure happiness. How you would feel your chest tighten at the sight of real beauty.
It is the overwhelming urge to give, on your own terms, not yearning to be loved back… but being happy to simply be able to keep. It is gratitude for the bonus, that they would feel the same way.
It is the miracle that you share… everyday and every waking moment. Being attuned to each other's heartbeat as you are to the ticking of the clock.
Indescribable, determined, unweathered, strong. Love is constant.
It is a quiet knowing, that this lifetime will end… exactly as how we felt in the beginning.
(new friends are still friends… and if we can spare them from the hurt we will… but if they must, then we shall let them… for their stars will take them where their happiness has been decreed.) *for erlyn
honey 4/20
I was desperately trying to hold back my tears and when I finished her entry. And when I looked at her, I knew she understood completely, she just showed me a mirror of my heart. She didn’t say another word, she just smiled and we walked out of the room - I, to go home after a long tiring day, she on the other hand, to feed her cancer cells once again.
What could have happened, had I refused to respond to those text messages and missed calls that registered on my phone last December of 2005? What if I changed my mobile number back then? What if I waited for God's perfect will? I know there is no way I'll ever find out and perhaps even if God will show me what life would've been had I waited, I will just feel terribly miserable.
Gee this is not even post partum!
Previous Comments
good markie, i aimed to be very cryptic when i wrote it actually. hehe
Posted by amgine at June 30, 2007, 12:30 amdropping by to check on how you are (ennui, boredom?).
anyway, it’s a matter of a few days, my dear, don’t take long with being “forlorn”, soo, it will be happiness for you to the nth degree.
Posted by SexyMom at June 30, 2007, 6:02 amhi there dearie… will give you my warmest HUG
Posted by 24 at July 1, 2007, 4:11 pmate amgine, this will pass, but i hope and pray for the best for you. hugs and love!
Posted by aCey at July 4, 2007, 10:10 amHug nalang kita. Don’t be sad, Ate Amgine!
Posted by Elaine at July 4, 2007, 7:27 pm
uhm… i’m kinda lost with everything here… even after reading and re-reading it…
Posted by markie at June 29, 2007, 11:22 pm